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Post by Jayda on Dec 17, 2009 10:04:32 GMT -5
Erik - Haha, thanks The whole age thing... see, his parents don't care if he dates before 16... I know that I should, but if I really like him... Agh, I don't know xD I feel like with him I might be creating a double-standard. YES! A guy will fall madly in love with me! Ahaha. Thanks a ton Hockeydude - Oh yeah, definitely. I doubt that I could ever date a guy before I'm great friends with him. It all has to do with my trust issues. I have to trust the guy before I'll date him. Otherwise I just start to panic. It kinda, sorta happened last year. I wasn't dating the guy, but I got WAY too involved over a couple of weeks of knowing him, he started saying I love you which made me feel like I had to, then he started basing his life around me, and finally I just had to push him away. It was so horrible and stressful, and I felt like a huge part of it was because we weren't great friends to begin with. Besides, thinking ahead to the future, when you marry, your spouse should be your best friend. So... Yeah. The last paragraph was extremely insightful. I never even thought about that. Thanks so much! Thanks a ton, guys. You all are extremely helpful and open my eyes a bit more to a broader perspective Thus, why I keep bothering you with all of my questions Haha
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Post by Erik Slack on Dec 17, 2009 10:43:51 GMT -5
Erik - Haha, thanks The whole age thing... see, his parents don't care if he dates before 16... I know that I should, but if I really like him... Agh, I don't know xD I feel like with him I might be creating a double-standard. No problem (yes, I know I didn't contribute much, but I have no issue with taking the credit)! ;D I'm not going to tell you it's wrong, but I'll tell you what I tell everybody: the Gospel applies to everyone, whether they practice it or not. We shouldn't expect others to live up to every the standard the way we do, but we should support them in doing so as much as possible. A hypocrite says this doesn't apply to me, even though he applies it to everyone else. In this case you're applying it to yourself for your own benefit, but not to others, yet they could be helped by it just the same. You can't tell Joe how to live his life, but you can refuse to date him yourself until he's a little older. Besides, honestly--and I would never have said this when I was 14, but I'm older and wiser now at age 18 --14-year-old kids should not date. It's hopeless and a complete waste of time :/
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Post by Jayda on Dec 17, 2009 11:13:33 GMT -5
Haha.... that's probably true, about it being hopeless and a complete waste of time I wasn't really even thinking about it like that... I feel like I'm being kind of selfish because, if he does ask me out I'll want to say yes, purely because I really like him and he's one of the nicest guys I've known. Who knows, maybe I could lead him back to the church? But, perhaps waiting until he's a bit older is a good idea... But what if he does end up asking me out? How should I handle it? Because I always told myself when I was younger that I wouldn't say no to dating someone, as long as I knew they were a good person. Plus, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings or make things awkward... And you do contribute quite a bit, Erik Haha
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Post by Erik Slack on Dec 17, 2009 11:31:33 GMT -5
Hehe thanks, Jayda. Just be your cool and naturally confident self! Say, "I'm flattered and I'd absolutely love to go out with you, but I can't because I only date boys who are over 16." Then when he asks why, say "that's what the Prophet says is the appropriate age for dating." Nothing more is necessary. If he respects your beliefs than he's even cooler than you think, if he doesn't and gets mad then he's been unveiled as a selfish brat and you're lucky you found out early.
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Post by Jayda on Dec 17, 2009 11:41:52 GMT -5
Ahaha... Easier said then done, but I'll try Haha. Yeah... but I'll feel mean :/ Ugh. Oh well... I get what you're saying. I think that's definitely what I should do... But at the same time... I have no clue what I'm saying right now xD Haha. I'm just torn, I guess. I should be used to it by now Haha.
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Post by shadow on Dec 17, 2009 19:17:45 GMT -5
you may feel mean but I wish I did this two years ago, now she hates me over some stupid rumer and she still holds a grudge, and for the record I didnt do anything
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Post by Sayari's other half on Dec 18, 2009 5:47:02 GMT -5
I think very often we tend to think maybe I could get this person back to church or maybe they'll start coming or whatever.But this usually isn't the case.you can get him back to church just by being his friend and standing up for what you believe.And like we say..dating at 16.And not even dating.but yeah I'll shut up now.
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Post by Erik Slack on Dec 18, 2009 10:03:18 GMT -5
Erin, that was a great point and one that I know to be true, myself.
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Post by Jayda on Dec 21, 2009 23:30:20 GMT -5
Yeah, true. I doubt I could date him, anyway. I'm just so not over Levi yet.
It really sucks. I seriously thought I was over him until the dance on Saturday. Joe couldn't make it because of some last minute plans, so I was nervous about seeing Levi. But after a while it got better and I felt comfortable. But whenever he'd dance with Kate I just couldn't watch. It made me so upset and jealous. I just don't feel like I'll be getting over him anytime soon, which sucks. I mean, I love the guy and he doesn't even know. I wish he did, but I can't tell him at this point. I'd just bring up stuff that should be past us, at this point, and then maybe make things even more awkward... So, I don't even know if I really do like Joe. I know that I maybe KIND OF like him, but its so dull in comparison to Levi...
This is just way too complicated for my liking xD Haha.
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Post by Sayari's other half on Dec 22, 2009 12:37:53 GMT -5
The best is really just to not have anything to do with Levi.Yeah,it's complicated and yeah it hurts.Ask me,I know but it'll come. A close friend of mine told me "It's not love you felt,you were in love with the idea of being in love" A lot of loves in a sentence lol but true.
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Post by Jayda on Dec 22, 2009 14:04:10 GMT -5
I don't want to let go of our friendship. We're so close, as it is, and he's one of my best friends ever, so I doubt I'll let him go or not have anything to do with him. Even if I tried it would be impossible :/ That's a great quote. I'll keep that in mind Thanks!
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Post by Jayda on Dec 28, 2009 21:40:45 GMT -5
Okay, now things are even worse!
I'm over Joe. I'm not sure that I even really liked him. I just wanted to get over Levi so badly, I guess, that I tried to like someone else.
That's not the problem. Here it is summed up (quoted from somewhere else that I already typed it up):
This new guy, Brian moved into Nessa and Kate's ward, you know? So, Nessa started liking him and Kate admitted that she kind of liked him, but that she didn't want to because of how much conflict with Levi had already happened. Anyway, so then Kate told Nessa that she still kind of likes Levi but that she's getting bored with him. What the heck! So, I basically want to scream and throw a fit because she's taking my sacrifice for granted. Plus, Levi still likes Kate. I mean, this whole thing isn't a triangle anymore. Its a freaking love OCTAGON because Nessa likes Brian, Brian likes Kate, Kate likes Brian AND Levi, Levi likes Kate (and maybe me, but at this point I'm not even sure) and I LOVE Levi. UGH!
I don't even know what to do at this point. It just seems so helpless. Kate doesn't seem like a real friend to me, she seems selfish, all that kind of stuff. I don't know what to do :/
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Post by Sayari's other half on Dec 30, 2009 4:16:36 GMT -5
Jayda,my advice would be to stay out of it!Back away with your hands up *points a gun* jk jk..but seriously.Because Kate obviously just wants a guy and if she's like most girls she WILL get bored with the one she has.It's a teenage thing.
and even though you aren't over Levi trying to do something about it will make it worse.Leave them to sort it out.Levi wasn't that great to you the first time and trust me he won't be a second.Learn from what you've experienced.I mean would it really be worth it to ever go out with him?considering that he didn't find you worth it??
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Post by Jayda on Dec 30, 2009 12:25:16 GMT -5
Hmmm... you have some very excellent points. I just know for a fact that it'll be so much harder to do all of that. The only problem I really had with Levi was that he wouldn't commit to me, so if he would commit to me then I wouldn't have a problem with dating him. Well, if I could trust him about it all. That would be the most difficult thing. I already had trust issues, and he just made them worse xD
My mom said that I might want to just give up on Kate since she doesn't even seem to care about me the way I care about her. Which seems rather true. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to get through this when Heavenly Father just keeps throwing stuff like this out there. I mean, I know that there's a reason for everything, this is just becoming really ridiculous. But, I trust Him, so I guess I just need to figure that things will work out in the end. Its just a bit difficult to think that way when all of the bad stuff is happening, you know?
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Post by hockeydude on Dec 30, 2009 14:07:55 GMT -5
Hmm...yeah. This is a confusing situation (as in what to do about it). I'd do like Erin said and just sit back for a bit. Find something else to focus on for the time being and let things play themselves out. By the sounds of it things are going to happen.
Now if you're not sure if Levi is going to committ, just go on dates for awhile, like casual. You can use the excuse that you want to get him back in the swing of things if he's feeling down. And see if anything progresses. I've heard the strongest relationships are made by time and seen the truth of that statement myself, so maybe you just need to get him used to you to committ.
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Post by Jayda on Dec 30, 2009 14:12:25 GMT -5
I think I'll sit back and let things play out. Actually, that's kind of what I have been doing for the past month, since there's nothing I can do at this point. Levi doesn't call me ever anymore, I rarely see him, Kate is playing him, all of that stuff. Oh, I forgot to mention that she's going to have a "date" with him on Saturday before his stake's activity. I don't know if it really is a date or not since he said hang out, to her, but she's considering it as a date. I don't know why she told me. It was honestly like she's rubbing it in my face.
Yeah. I'd date him casually if he weren't still going to date Kate. Levi doesn't know ANY of this, about Kate liking Brian, that sort of thing. I'm going to stick with what I told him until he decides he won't date her anymore. I just can't date him if he's dating her. Heavenly Father told me not to, even if I want to :/ -sigh-
This is all so complicated xD Hahaha.
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Post by Sayari's other half on Jan 2, 2010 5:08:58 GMT -5
You just keep doing what you're doing It'll all blow over.Remember everything ends eventually!
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Post by Jayda on Jan 2, 2010 15:35:24 GMT -5
This is true. Whenever I'm in a bad situation, or one I don't like (like getting blood drawn, for example) I just try to remind myself that it would all be over soon and that I'd be laughing about how sad/scared/ridiculous I seemed/felt/acted before and during it! Hopefully it blows over soon, though!
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Post by Sayari's other half on Jan 4, 2010 4:32:41 GMT -5
Much agreed!The sad thing is that happy things end to ut the're replaced by more happiness! (hopefully!)
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Post by Jayda on Jan 4, 2010 23:15:19 GMT -5
Yes, I definitely hope so!
I just wish that I could move on from him. I can't stop thinking about him! Every minute it seems like he's on my mind, or I do something that reminds me of him. EVERYTHING reminds me of him! I don't know. I really wish that I could move on :/ -sigh- Guys are so complicated! xD Hahaha.
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Post by hockeydude on Jan 5, 2010 0:48:13 GMT -5
I know the feeling. My first die-hard high school crush was actually on a friend of mine named Ashley freshman year. We were both forwards on a team in a co-ed soccer league, so I was waiting for her to show up, and when she did, I had to rub my eyes a little. She'd never been bad looking, but she'd gotten way attractive over the summer and I was thinking I would just take the friendship I already had to the next level and it would be a done deal, right? Nope. The day after one of my friends asked her out, and I was in shock. I kept watching, asking around, just waiting for that relationship to break up. It's still going til this day, and it was only last year that I got over it. So even if it takes awhile, just remember that time will mend. Something or someone else will come in your life and who knows what will happen. Or, maybe your situation will turn out different than mine in which time is also the solving factor.
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Post by Jayda on Jan 5, 2010 10:38:26 GMT -5
Thanks That's really helpful. I'll just keep thinking that and hopefully it'll happen soon, because it kind of sucks Hahaha.
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Post by Sayari's other half on Jan 5, 2010 12:29:45 GMT -5
We can all relate in some way Unfortunately!Who really knows how long it will take?Just keep trying!
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Post by Jayda on Jan 9, 2010 17:26:34 GMT -5
This is true. I hope it doesn't take too long... Last night Levi basically asked me on another date :/ But he didn't straight up ask me, so I didn't get the chance to accept or not. I'll post the conversation so you can understand better what I mean by "he didn't straight up ask me" L: What is colors? J: Hahaha. You mean the DB statuses? L: Yes. J: Are you asking what they mean? L: Yes. J: I can't tell you L: Please. J: But it's a secret! L: I can keep a secret J: What's in it for me? L: What do you want? J: Idk. L: What if I were to take you out on a date? J: Not sure I'm gonna tell you the secret, but dates are always cool L: but I am serious J: About the secret, or the date? L: The date. J: Like I said, dates are always cool He never responded to that one because we were debating on facebook... but what do you guys think? Do you think he was serious or just joking around? Because if he was joking that really wasnt cool xD
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Post by shadow on Jan 13, 2010 17:21:55 GMT -5
It just depends on the guy really, I would have done something similar to that, that way I can figure out what they really think of me. But I also know guys that do joke around about stuff like that.
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Post by Jayda on Jan 15, 2010 15:54:02 GMT -5
Yeah, I get what you're saying. My mom said that she thinks he was testing the water, to see if things are cool or not. What would you have thought had you gotten the responses I sent?
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Post by Sayari's other half on Jan 16, 2010 1:46:30 GMT -5
IF I put myself in that situation I'd reckon about the same thing.But I'd leave it there and not push it or mention it unless he does.
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Post by Jayda on Jan 16, 2010 13:16:36 GMT -5
Yeah. That's a good idea. I don't think I'm going to mention it (considering I might get too nervous to ask, anyway). If he wants to ask me on a date, he's going to have to straight up ask me, not just hint at it.
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Post by Andrew the Penguin on Jan 18, 2010 17:18:02 GMT -5
Take a page from my book. XD It's called 'The Direct Approach' If y ou want to know something, go up to the person who knows it and front out ask 'em. I do it alllllll the time. >_> Of course, people constantly say I'm annoying... They might have something to do with eachother. XP So yeah.... scratch that. Do what you want to do.
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Post by Jayda on Jan 18, 2010 19:19:08 GMT -5
Hahaha. I would, but I'd be wayyyyy too scared that I'd frighten him off or ruin things between us.
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