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Post by kodiak on Jun 29, 2010 1:58:25 GMT -5
Hello. I'm new to this forum and new to forums in general. But i stumbled here on a google search and i thought i'd give it a whirl. So Background: I just turned 18 and fresh out of high school and i consider my self very strong in the church. I plan on serving a full time mission were ever the lord wants me. And i know and I try to live the standards set out by the first presidency like in the for the strength of youth. And i go on lots of group dates with as many different girls as i can. Now the problem: I've tried to fight it but i have a huge crush on this girl i know. She is just turning 17 and as far as i can see she is perfect. She to is very strong in the church and very obedient to her parents. plus shes cute. Now i listen to the prophets and i'm not going to pair off, and i don't think i could tell her how i feel even though i have hinted to it. I will save that till after my mission, but that is my biggest fear. That she will be married before i get back because she is so awesome. This isn't going to stop me from going on a mission, but man i am just tormented inside. And i think its in my best interest to stop liking her before i go on my mission. But i just can't seem to do it! I have a whole year before i go and i have a feeling its going to be along one. maybe the lord is trying to teach me patients but oh boy it hard.
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Post by Michael on Jun 29, 2010 14:27:56 GMT -5
Well man, I understand how you feel.. I'm not ready for a mission yet cuz I'm 17 but I still understand. God probly made it that way, he'll giving you a lession of his standards etc, I know it will be really hard but if she just end up with someone else when your on your mission... then your wife is still out there
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Post by hockeydude on Jun 29, 2010 16:14:58 GMT -5
I know how you feel, dude. I was set to leave for my mission in August, but I tore my ACL a few weeks ago and now won't be able to serve until January. Luckily for me the girl I like is 16 and will be home when I get back, but there are others who I'm close to and have this same type of situation with. So maybe I can help.
It's okay to like this girl. Yeah if you get into a relationship it may not last long or it may not even be the best idea to get into a relationship now, but I think if you have any hopes of coming home to her, you should tell her. I mean, the absolute, bottom-of-the-food-chain, worst outcome ever is that she doesn't want to ever talk to you again. You're going on your mission and moving onto new things anyway, so it may sting for awhile, but really it's not a big deal. You'll have your answer and can look for other fish in the sea.
On the flipside, maybe she has feelings for you too. And if she knows that you like her in return, while you're gone she'll have this thought in the back of her mind "Maybe I should wait." You know what I'm saying? So if you want any chance, I'd find any way to tell her.
That's my opinion.
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Post by Michael on Jun 29, 2010 19:07:06 GMT -5
I know how you feel, dude. I was set to leave for my mission in August, but I tore my ACL a few weeks ago and now won't be able to serve until January. Luckily for me the girl I like is 16 and will be home when I get back, but there are others who I'm close to and have this same type of situation with. So maybe I can help. It's okay to like this girl. Yeah if you get into a relationship it may not last long or it may not even be the best idea to get into a relationship now, but I think if you have any hopes of coming home to her, you should tell her. I mean, the absolute, bottom-of-the-food-chain, worst outcome ever is that she doesn't want to ever talk to you again. You're going on your mission and moving onto new things anyway, so it may sting for awhile, but really it's not a big deal. You'll have your answer and can look for other fish in the sea. On the flipside, maybe she has feelings for you too. And if she knows that you like her in return, while you're gone she'll have this thought in the back of her mind "Maybe I should wait." You know what I'm saying? So if you want any chance, I'd find any way to tell her. That's my opinion. Your better then me with giving adivce in this subject, lol
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Jun 29, 2010 19:34:10 GMT -5
Hello. I'm new to this forum and new to forums in general. But i stumbled here on a google search and i thought i'd give it a whirl. So Background: I just turned 18 and fresh out of high school and i consider my self very strong in the church. I plan on serving a full time mission were ever the lord wants me. And i know and I try to live the standards set out by the first presidency like in the for the strength of youth. And i go on lots of group dates with as many different girls as i can. Now the problem: I've tried to fight it but i have a huge crush on this girl i know. She is just turning 17 and as far as i can see she is perfect. She to is very strong in the church and very obedient to her parents. plus shes cute. Now i listen to the prophets and i'm not going to pair off, and i don't think i could tell her how i feel even though i have hinted to it. I will save that till after my mission, but that is my biggest fear. That she will be married before i get back because she is so awesome. This isn't going to stop me from going on a mission, but man i am just tormented inside. And i think its in my best interest to stop liking her before i go on my mission. But i just can't seem to do it! I have a whole year before i go and i have a feeling its going to be along one. maybe the lord is trying to teach me patients but oh boy it hard. Hey, we're glad to have you here! From reading your post....you seem to be a nice young man with high standards. I too have followed the church leaders advice to not get into a serious relationship at an early age, but to spend my time on more casual dates and discovering the unique qualities that I might want in a future spouse. So many of my peers have only dated a few guys before they rushed into a serious relationship. The divorce rate in this country is alarmingly high and I don't want to be another statistic! (How do they know that they have found the real deal?? Especially with such limited experience?) One problem that comes to mind is: Trying to give 100% to your mission when you're trying to hold on to a girl back home? A long distance relationship can be hard to maintain under the best of circumstances, but during your mission you will have very limited contact! And the majority of your days will be spent on your missionary work. Another thing to consider is from the girl's prospective. Let's say that she basically puts her life on hold for the next two years and waits for you to return. Things could work out fine or you could have found someone else, or you both could have changed......with different taste and personalities and now you two are no longer compatible! My advice is to tell the girl of your feelings for her, but encourage her to casual date while you are on your mission. If the relationship was meant to last then you two can resume it upon your return! If love is meant to be......then set it free and let it return to thee!
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Post by kodiak on Jun 30, 2010 2:17:55 GMT -5
Thank you all for answering. But i still have my worries about telling her how i feel. Because i feel the need to stop liking her is important to make sure i can give my mission 100% effort. I don't want to tell her one thing but try to do the opposite. But at the same time i guess if i was to get my heart broken i would rather it be some time other then my mission. So I guess my main problem now is trying to justify telling her how i feel is the best thing to do or not. And again, thanks for helping me so far!
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Post by hockeydude on Jun 30, 2010 11:29:36 GMT -5
My advice is to tell the girl of your feelings for her, but encourage her to casual date while you are on your mission. If the relationship was meant to last then you two can resume it upon your return! This is what I was trying to say, Jenni just worded it better. Yeah, DON'T divert your attention during your mission. You can write to her and keep in touch, but that's about it. Keep your focus on the serving the Lord while you're out there. It's like Jenni said, if it's meant to be, she'll be waiting for you when you come home. As far as telling her, how well do you know her friends? I'm not saying you should ask them to tell her for you (that's a big no-no, actually), but if you tell them first, they might help you basically set up to tell her in the best way possible. I see it all the time. Otherwise, just wait for the right moment. If you two are laughing or having a really good time doing whatever, and you think it's a good time, just look at her and say," Can I tell you something?". And then your nerves will probably be at an all-time high, but you just have to do it, something like," I really like you." You can say something else or make it more personal if you like, but you have to get it out somehow. Then, you've done your job and just have to wait. At that point you can go on without any regrets. It's not easy, but I'd at least tell her before you leave, man. Even if it doesn't work out.
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Post by kodiak on Jun 30, 2010 12:55:28 GMT -5
Ya i guess your right. But that leads me to another problem. I have always made sure we are never alone together but i would only feel comfortable telling her how i feel one to one. We text a lot but i don't think that's a good way to tell her. And i don't know her friends to well either.
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Jul 3, 2010 10:31:29 GMT -5
Ya i guess your right. But that leads me to another problem. I have always made sure we are never alone together but i would only feel comfortable telling her how i feel one to one. We text a lot but i don't think that's a good way to tell her. And i don't know her friends to well either. Just tell her that you think that she's special!
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