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Nov 7, 2009 0:13:23 GMT -5
Post by hockeydude on Nov 7, 2009 0:13:23 GMT -5
This has kind of gone and come back and gone and come back, so I figured I'd ask for some opinions. Here's the story. Being a senior has been great, I love it. Through a couple of things, I've met this girl named Amanda, (which will make this odd since we have an Amanda here ) and she's really kind of stood out to me; she's smart, really pretty cute, funny, and what surprised me most of all is that she and her friends, even though they're sort of the popular freshman crowd, dress very much in harmony with the church all the time. Which I haven't seen for awhile. Well although I found out about Amanda she found out about me first. It started off with "Heys" in the hallway and one day we just had a good conversation at a football game and things kicked off there. A couple days later she asked me to a movie and I couldn't say no. Things are just progressing, but I've felt no conflict with the spirit or anything. I've brought up my standards and she hasn't shown any problems with respecting them. She lives just a couple of blocks away so we've gone on a walk or two and I just really like it. It's been just natural, like I said things should be in earlier messages. It's just the age gap that lingers in my mind, she's 15 and I'm 18. She's a freshman and I'm a senior. Is there something wrong with that?
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Nov 7, 2009 2:57:17 GMT -5
Post by Michael on Nov 7, 2009 2:57:17 GMT -5
the only gaps i had is that i'm 16 and the girl(s) are 14. you weren't thinking of like gf/bf rigt?. because if it's just a friendship then it's all right.
O and when is her bday?
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Nov 7, 2009 13:26:29 GMT -5
Post by hockeydude on Nov 7, 2009 13:26:29 GMT -5
Not exactly. Yeah if it were a friendship I wouldn't see anything wrong with it either, but I am looking at taking it a step further.
And she turned in August, so she won't be 16 anytime soon if that's what you're wondering.
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Nov 7, 2009 23:42:44 GMT -5
Post by Michael on Nov 7, 2009 23:42:44 GMT -5
Oh, then i don't really know what to say... maybe ask your youth leaders or Parents?
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Nov 8, 2009 23:05:31 GMT -5
Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Nov 8, 2009 23:05:31 GMT -5
Short answer: friendship and casual dating are ok, but nothing more!
Later on in the week I'll have plenty more to say about it. Some of it you have heard before, but I feel that it is worth repeating and you can take it for what it's worth. Ultimately it will be your decision. choose wisely.
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Nov 9, 2009 16:58:25 GMT -5
Post by Andrew the Penguin on Nov 9, 2009 16:58:25 GMT -5
My suggestions.... 1. Friendship for now. Dating later. And by later, when she's 16 or so. 2. My parents are 3 years in age apart. XD I don't see anything wrong with it. Oh, and my great grandpa married after his first wife died, someone who was about 15 years younger than him. Trust me, if its okay with him (He was super duper Religious) it should be okay with you.
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Nov 9, 2009 20:09:42 GMT -5
Post by Michael on Nov 9, 2009 20:09:42 GMT -5
My parents are 5 years apart.
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.:Amanda:.
Moderator
I don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first, FEARLESS
Posts: 176
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Nov 9, 2009 20:53:04 GMT -5
Post by .:Amanda:. on Nov 9, 2009 20:53:04 GMT -5
Eric- I think this is great! Most Amanda's I know are pretty bomb Is she a member, because I'm not too clear on that point. Not that it would matter, because it sounds like she lives the same standards anyway. But anyway, the age gap is not too big of a deal. Actually it's more common than not in my school. The one big problem is the whole "she doesnt turn 16 until next august" thing. Ya see, I would tell you go for it, be an item, if it wasnt for that one small discrepancy. If you like each other and you can help each other live up to your standards, there isn't really much of a reason you shouldnt date. But because you are a senior and shes not 16 until summer, that will mean that you will be a college student by the time she can date. And even though thats only a few months difference from being a senior, I find that just a tad weird. And also it would complicate things a lot since you wont be in school any more. So basically I don't really have an answer for you, just three general directions you could go: A) You date her now when it is convenient, yet she is not 16. If this doesnt make her uncomfortable then its not that bad of a choice B) You wait until shes 16 and try for a rather difficult relationship that might raise some eyebrows. Also it would be closer to your mission so it might impede your progress in preparing for a mission. C) You just stay friends. Good friends, but just friends. This does not include "friends with benefits" or anything likewise. Even though I've never really understood how two people who obviously have strong feelings for each other can consider themselves just friends. This would be a really hard decision for me to make, so I guess the only thing you can really do to decide is to pray about it.
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Nov 9, 2009 22:46:05 GMT -5
Post by Kohaku on Nov 9, 2009 22:46:05 GMT -5
i was in a situation like this only i was the 15 year old and the 18 year old was out of high school. as i look back i wish i hadn't but then i don't regret it i learned a lot form it. and i m sure things would be just fine still but he fell into the wrong group and started not going to church and drinking and smoking. i think if you do decide to date her just make sure you both know each others boundaries and standards and never for any reason cross or alter those. the 18 year old i was dating knew those boundaries and standards , once he had crossed them i already had made up my mind thats not what i wanted so i broke it off.
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Nov 10, 2009 12:08:19 GMT -5
Post by Erik Slack on Nov 10, 2009 12:08:19 GMT -5
Eric, buddy, don't compromise your own standards for anyone dude; no matter how cute her smile. You sustained the Prophet and he counsels you not to date until you're sixteen. Though in your case you would be dating a nonmember, you would still be breaking the spirit of the law. --Erik
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Nov 10, 2009 17:25:29 GMT -5
Post by Michael on Nov 10, 2009 17:25:29 GMT -5
Erik, i got a question... But how is it breaking the spirit of the law if his over 16 and he would be dating a nonmemeber, if he does date her when she's 15.
Sorry if i sound kinda mean or anything.. but just want to know
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Nov 11, 2009 10:50:56 GMT -5
Post by Erik Slack on Nov 11, 2009 10:50:56 GMT -5
Mike, it's fine man, speak your mind, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Does the Lord give us any commandment without a purpose? No of course not. And forgive me if it sounds arrogant, but it seems like if you don't expect the people you date to abide by that rule then you're also saying that God's principles only apply to Mormons (which is not true because they apply to all God's children) and so it won't matter if the person you date is "underage."
I think that by not choosing to date this girl yet, Eric will have chosen to be true to himself and to his principles.
Eric, I respect that it's your choice to make and it's not really a big deal at this point even if you do choose to date her. Still, if we prove to be diligent in those "small" things, we will prove ourselves ready for the bigger ones.
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Nov 11, 2009 17:38:48 GMT -5
Post by hockeydude on Nov 11, 2009 17:38:48 GMT -5
Thank you for the advice, everyone. Even if it's not what I want to hear all the time I appreciate that I get this kind of input. I've slowly been backing off the relationship idea myself. I suppose I hadn't thought about how the laws don't only apply to us, which you noted Erik, like it never crossed my mind. I think I'm going to try and hold it at friends and see what happens. A lot of girls I know don't like "holding it" at that point when they knew I've expressed interest, but Amanda is more mature than a lot of senior friends so I think she'll be alright with it. Some of the main things were what you said, too, Amanda. I'll be on my mission before next school year starts, so we'd have to cut it short. And when I'd get back she would still be in high school, which I'm not sure how I would handle that. Only thing is that I think she's noticed that I've been being hesitant and I think she may think she's being a burden. I haven't really seen her or heard from her in the past few days, so I'm wondering if I almost scared her off. So hopefully I can at least pull her back into the friend stage. We're both in track in which there is a lot of hang out time, so I want to be good friends before that hits.
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Nov 11, 2009 18:46:12 GMT -5
Post by Michael on Nov 11, 2009 18:46:12 GMT -5
Thank you, Erik.
and Eric i think what you said is awesome... keeping it as friends will be good.
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Nov 14, 2009 21:02:27 GMT -5
Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Nov 14, 2009 21:02:27 GMT -5
I think that you made the right decision Eric. I was happy to see all of the helpful advice that the members contributed. Way to go guys! Now I can be a slacker and not have to type up my longer version. Lol
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Nov 15, 2009 11:07:10 GMT -5
Post by Erik Slack on Nov 15, 2009 11:07:10 GMT -5
Lol, no you can't, else we'll lose our inspiration.
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Nov 15, 2009 20:29:18 GMT -5
Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Nov 15, 2009 20:29:18 GMT -5
Lol, no you can't, else we'll lose our inspiration. Lol, but we had a team efford on this one!
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Nov 15, 2009 23:57:01 GMT -5
Post by hockeydude on Nov 15, 2009 23:57:01 GMT -5
Haha Jenni your advice is always helpful so don't be afraid to repeat.
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Nov 16, 2009 11:57:20 GMT -5
Post by Kohaku on Nov 16, 2009 11:57:20 GMT -5
you slacker jenni ... haha jk
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