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Post by Erik Slack on Jul 10, 2009 16:17:26 GMT -5
I'm curious as to what you folks think.
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Jul 11, 2009 0:06:45 GMT -5
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Post by Erik Slack on Jul 11, 2009 15:36:36 GMT -5
I agree with your counsel, and have given it more than once myself, however I am aware that good things surprise us sometimes and I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting a relationship. One must exercise extreme caution though, because the feelings involved in love can quickly overpower logical reasoning.
I'm hopin' to catch the votes of as many members of this forum as I can, hopefully more will check it during the weekend. I'm leading up to our video release of a dating video from FRG.
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Jul 11, 2009 23:07:47 GMT -5
I agree with your counsel, and have given it more than once myself, however I am aware that good things surprise us sometimes and I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting a relationship. One must exercise extreme caution though, because the feelings involved in love can quickly overpower logical reasoning. Very much so! Several of the male members have recently left on their mission and a number of other members are in camp, on family vacation or EFY.......so I hope that you get enough replies. A dating video sounds interesting! I'd love to see it!
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Post by [.alyse.] on Jul 12, 2009 12:49:01 GMT -5
I agree with your counsel, and have given it more than once myself, however I am aware that good things surprise us sometimes and I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting a relationship. One must exercise extreme caution though, because the feelings involved in love can quickly overpower logical reasoning. Very much so! Several of the male members have recently left on their mission and a number of other members are in camp, on family vacation or EFY.......so I hope that you get enough replies. A dating video sounds interesting! I'd love to see it! jenni is right....i just got back from a 3 week trip ( my reasoning for not being on ) in california. i got a very nice tan and now i am back! well my opinion shouldnt really matter on this....church when im older, however....im very vague on the dating topic. before i was the age of 16 i was very firm in the fact that no one should have a boyfriend or girlfriend in highschool. i was very good in not dating before the age of 16 but once i did you are obviously attracted to certain people over more. i have been on more bad dates then i have been on good,....so of course you want to date the people you are attracted to right? i know the church has a reason for saying no serious dating in highschool.....but im okay on breaking this rule sometimes ive had 2 relationships that didnt last long but taught me a lot... it all depends of how u handle it in my opinion. sorry not to be straight forward
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Post by hockeydude on Jul 13, 2009 0:01:14 GMT -5
I think it's a suggestion with good intent and a good backbone, but I also think it's a situation that can be handled in a way that can avoid all of the hardships that we're warned about in the For the Strength of Youth.
When I turned 16 I had a girl who really liked me, and I began to fall for her quite a bit too. For awhile we had sort of an unofficial relationship, enough that people noticed. It had a couple of heart tugging moments to get out of it, but when all was said and done I think all in all the experience and realizations I gained were worth it. I learned some lessons I wouldn't have learned just through dates.
That said, I've seen relationships between "needy girl" and "needy boy" and those...those are just ugly. I don't think people should go looking for relationships.
I think with the right people under the right circumstances, a relationship in high school is just fine. I have a friend who just turned 18 and has had a girlfriend since he turned 16, and they both continue to uplift eachother and are happy as a result. So, in my opinion, it is alright depending on the case.
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.:Amanda:.
Moderator
I don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first, FEARLESS
Posts: 176
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Post by .:Amanda:. on Jul 13, 2009 1:53:09 GMT -5
Here's how I look at it: The counsel from the brethren is no SERIOUS dating before you are ready to get married. So having a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship doesnt always have to be serious in high school. I know if I had a boyfriend right now, I probably wouldn't be very serious about him, it would just be for fun. I don't know, it makes sense to me.
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Post by hockeydude on Jul 13, 2009 13:06:25 GMT -5
Thank you, Amanda. That's pretty much what I was trying to say, you just worded it better lol.
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Post by Erik Slack on Jul 13, 2009 15:15:56 GMT -5
I like the way you put it Hockeydude, I don't think people should go looking for relationships at our age either. However, if they happen naturally, then it can be good experience for both the girl and guy.
No serious relationships...so what classifies as a serious relationship?
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.:Amanda:.
Moderator
I don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first, FEARLESS
Posts: 176
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Post by .:Amanda:. on Jul 13, 2009 15:23:21 GMT -5
My definition of a serious relationship would be that you seriously consider marrying that person. For me, until I'm dating an RM, I'm not going to be planning a wedding. So high school dating should just be casual, and if you come across a relationship, good for you. Just make sure you keep yourself and your bf/gf temple worthy.
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Post by Erik Slack on Jul 14, 2009 10:22:12 GMT -5
Wow Amanda, that's a very good definition! My fellow FRG team member, Tommy, has a lot of good thoughts about dating and he animated them out so that it would be enjoyable to watch. I'm super excited to show off his work! I'm not sure why he hasn't gotten that video posted on YouTube yet, but I've sent him a couple of emails so maybe I'll have more to report later.
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Post by Michael on Jul 14, 2009 14:55:36 GMT -5
Well, i like all what you said and it's true. see i came back from efy and been talking to 30 girls I don't like.. how do i say this like.. their just my friends sure i will date some. but if it trun into gf/bf then it wont be serious
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Post by Erik Slack on Jul 15, 2009 15:56:28 GMT -5
Smart decision, Michael. I've never had the opportunity to go to an EFY, but I hear it's tons of fun and it's a great place to meet people. I think it's cool how you can talk to those thirty girls and still keep yourself from getting entangled in romance. You're smarter than a couple of friends I can think of...they would fall in love with every girl that smiled at them and I felt like slapping the both of 'em to wake them up from their daydreaming. Instead I just watched them make fools of themselves and then come cryin' to me when the girls shot down their advances.
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Jul 15, 2009 21:07:21 GMT -5
My definition of a serious relationship would be that you seriously consider marrying that person. For me, until I'm dating an RM, I'm not going to be planning a wedding. So high school dating should just be casual, and if you come across a relationship, good for you. Just make sure you keep yourself and your bf/gf temple worthy. Good advice!
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Post by emowriter on Aug 29, 2011 17:48:59 GMT -5
im actually a senior this year and my boyfriend/fiance is in his second year of college weve been dating on and off for four years but im not sure where things are going to go. i say bf/fiance because weve talked about marriage allot and were super excited the only problem is hes not lds. and my ultimate dream is temple marriage and to have an eternal family and a christ based home. idk what to do.
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Post by Remove on Aug 29, 2011 20:17:49 GMT -5
I'm sorry this is so long. I tend to get pretty lengthy. Especially with topics that are deep rooted in me. the only problem is hes not lds. and my ultimate dream is temple marriage and to have an eternal family and a christ based home. idk what to do. This is where you need to make some major decisions., How important to you is having an eternal family? Do you want to marry a guy who can take you to the temple? Do you want to have a home centered on LDS beliefs? Growing up LDS, attending YW's ect I've been taught my entire life the importance of a temple marriage. I never really realized how much I wanted that until i got my patriarchal blessing. My patriarchal blessing talks a lot about marriage and my future family. It goes into great extent about my husband&kids. After reading that I don't want to marry just anyone. I need to marry the guy talked about in my blessing. I want to have the family thats described in my blessing. I've been warned to be extremely careful in terms of who I marry&date and so I've made some choices. I've got my priorities straightened out now. Sometimes its discouraging, it is. Like, theres this amazing guy I know. And, he's just...well..amazing. But, he's not LDS. He'd never switch over. We talked about it pretty dang upfront. And, I want a temple marriage. He understood, we're still friends even though both of kinda wish it wasn't this way. My mom thinks I'm going overboard with it. 'you're young. It's not like you'll marry him ect" but I've really decided to do this my way. Even if at times it seems awful it'll all work out. As a 17/18 year old we can make choices that change our lives. And, i don't want to make the wrong choice or be with someone that makes me later on see dating someone who wouldn't take me to the temple as an 'okay' thing. If you haven't gotten your Patricahel blessing i'd encourage it. And, even if it doesn't say anything about families just keep in mind that theres young men out there right now trying to figure out if a temple marriage is what they want. And, they are trying to find that girl that they can be with into the eternities. And, also. You're 17/18. Marriage could be a long way off. Personally, I'm off to BYU Idaho this fall. I'm not ready to make ANY sort of commitments. At this point I just want to learn. I want to have my testimony grow. I want to be a good person. I want to make some snazzy friends this fall. I'm not really interested in dating at this point. Guys are great& I love having guy friends but I don't believe in 'looking for a relationship" . I'll get married when I get married. I'm young! I have an entire life ahead of me! I know what I want. And, I don't want to get married while I'm still in my 'teen years. (yes 19 counts)." Maybe when I'm 19 I'll change my mind. However, it would take a really amazing guy who I'd have to know is the one to make that change happen.
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Post by Jayda on Aug 30, 2011 9:24:49 GMT -5
im actually a senior this year and my boyfriend/fiance is in his second year of college weve been dating on and off for four years but im not sure where things are going to go. i say bf/fiance because weve talked about marriage allot and were super excited the only problem is hes not lds. and my ultimate dream is temple marriage and to have an eternal family and a christ based home. idk what to do. I like what Lizzy said. Here's my stance on the subject: You have to ask yourself what's most important, in the long-run. Happiness now, or happiness for eternity? That's how I try to look at it. Do I want to be happy now by dating and marrying someone who's never been on a mission, isn't LDS, and end up SOOO in love with him, but not being able to be with him in eternity, as well as not being able to be exalted? Is that really worth it? To me, no matter how I felt about the guy, it wouldn't be worth it. Now, don't think I don't understand. I've dated a non-member before and I had some pretty strong feelings for him. But along with that came a lot of miscommunication about boundaries (he tried to pressure me into things), definitely questioning about whether or not I could ever even marry him (I ask myself this when I date any guy, even if I don't end up in a relationship with them), and misunderstandings about what I believed to be true, what he believed to be true, and what my boundaries were and how little boundaries he had. It may be different for you, but you marry who you date, and if you only date non-members you'll end up marrying a non-member. That's why after that experience I vowed to only date non-members on a friendly basis and nothing more. I refuse to give up my eternal happiness for someone who isn't willing to accept the truthfulness of this Gospel, no matter how much I love them. I actually just read an article on this in the New Era (I don't remember what month it was... I can look) where a girl was dating a non-member in high school and she couldn't ever imagine loving anyone else more than she loved him. But, after praying, she broke up with him and though it hurt for a while their lives drifted apart, as most high school relationships/friends do when leaving for college/work, they didn't stay in touch, and she eventually found the man that God had intended her to marry, who was a RM and worthy to take her to the Temple. She later met her ex-boyfriend and taught him some of the Gospel, but he was never baptized and with that she realized that ultimately she'd made the right decision. Now, if you're thinking of trying to convert that young man, don't try to force him into anything. I've seen several young men come and go in my ward who were baptized because they were dating a girl and as soon as the relationship ended they left the church. It's worse for someone to be baptized into the church and then leave, then to never have been baptized at all in this life. Your boyfriend shouldn't be baptized out of love for you, or out of the idea that it'll get you to marry him. He has to be serious about living the Gospel. If he isn't then the consequences are bad and he shouldn't have been baptized in the first place. I personally recommend you pray about it, talk to your Bishop and see when you could get your Patriarchal Blessing, and go from there, but ultimately, if I were in your position, though it would hurt for a small while, I would end it. My eternal happiness and my family's eternal happiness just wouldn't be worth sacrificing.
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Post by emowriter on Aug 30, 2011 19:21:12 GMT -5
Now, if you're thinking of trying to convert that young man, don't try to force him into anything. I've seen several young men come and go in my ward who were baptized because they were dating a girl and as soon as the relationship ended they left the church. It's worse for someone to be baptized into the church and then leave, then to never have been baptized at all in this life. Your boyfriend shouldn't be baptized out of love for you, or out of the idea that it'll get you to marry him. He has to be serious about living the Gospel. If he isn't then the consequences are bad and he shouldn't have been baptized in the first place.
right now hes working on reading the book of mormon and is trying to find out all he can about the lds religion because he at least wants to understand where im coming from. and he wants to see if this is the life he would truly want to live. i would never force him into anything or say yes to him getting baptized if it werent for him. i love him so much and i know thats sounds stupid from a high school girl but its true. i love cherish and respect him and he does the same for me. so im willing to support his decisions. but i dont think i want to sacrafice my dreams. i sit in church each sunday alone. and i see the families and they all look so happy. i sincerly want that i want to be able to hold my husbands hand in church share our faith raise our children emmersed in the love of christ. i want so many things i just dont know how to obtain them
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Post by Jayda on Aug 30, 2011 22:03:38 GMT -5
I know what you mean. It doesn't sound ridiculous/stupid. I've been in love before, so I understand. That being said... you never know how long that'll last. I mean, it could last forever, or it could end up in a break up. But, the thing you need to think about is what you want. It seems hard, but I've done it - I broke up with my non-member boyfriend because what I wanted eternally was greater than what I wanted (and felt) temporally. Pray about it, and fast for answers. If he joins I do fear it'll only be to keep you in his life, and if it ever ends, if he didn't join for the right reasons (he can tell you he's joining for himself but that's what all of these other guys in my ward have said) it would've been better for him to not have joined, when it comes to judgment day. It's hard to figure out the right thing to do when your brain says one thing but your heart says another :/ That's why you need to be ready to hear the answer from God, no matter what it may be, no matter if it's to break up because something even better is coming around the corner. Trust in God, and ask Him what you should do.
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Post by emowriter on Sept 28, 2011 18:04:31 GMT -5
so my boyfriend is becoming more persistant about me answering him he asked me to marry him and i told him that i dont know that i need time to think. i dont know what to do. i can honestly say i love him but then again i dont love myself. i dont want to hurt him
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Post by ldsgirl Aka Sayari on Sept 29, 2011 23:40:53 GMT -5
so my boyfriend is becoming more persistant about me answering him he asked me to marry him and i told him that i dont know that i need time to think. i dont know what to do. i can honestly say i love him but then again i dont love myself. i dont want to hurt him Don't let him pressure you into making a hasty decision about something as important as marriage! Over half of all marriages fail in the USA! This is a decision that can affect your future for years to come.......so take your time to ponder all aspects of it very carefully. Right now I think that the first order of business on your part is to get your life in order the way that you would like for it to be. Once you get tangled into a marriage relationship.....you are going to have a whole new set of problems, compromises, and such to deal with that you will find that you have even less time to straighten out your own personal problems, but they will still be there causing you and possibly your partner grief, unless you have already dealt with it!
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Post by Michael on Sept 30, 2011 1:42:27 GMT -5
I agree.
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